Learning the Cost of Discipleship

Last week and this week we have had VBS with our kids ministry (whom my husband is the children's pastor), and next week we leave for four days for camp with our 5th and 6th graders. Crazy beginning as newlyweds, but we've been loving every minute of it! Next week we'll be diving into Romans 12 with our Junior Junior Highers, and as I've been reading through it these last few days, Jesus has been challenging me and ruining me in new ways. And it's been amazing.

Yesterday, I read verse 15 and 16 that says "Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly", and couldn't help but stop in my tracks. What does that even look like? We have an incredible example of what perfect Love looks like through Jesus. That He chose to suffer for you. For me. That everything He did was out of the most perfect love, and that it was for us. He was the Son of Compassion. That the love of the Father moved his heart. Compassion means that you are so moved that you are physically shaken. And this is the love Jesus has. And for some incredible reason, undeserved by me, He choses to lavish it on me. How can I not then, pour it out to others? To 'rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep'. You see, truly loving others isn't about our timing, or in the way that feels most comfortable to us. It often requires us to sacrifice something. To step out of my tendency to focus on myself, and to chose to love, no matter how much it requires of me.

And the verse "Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly'. 'Do not be haughty' is pretty self explanatory. But, 'associate with the lowly'. What does that even look like?! My husband and I talked about this verse, and ultimately this call of Jesus, for a while yesterday. And it moved us. We long to be a part of something bigger than ourselves. To take up the call of Jesus, and the cost of discipleship. And as crazy hard as it can be sometimes, the cost of non-discipleship is actually greater. David Platt says it so well in his book 'Radical'. "We are giving into the dangerous temptation to take the Jesus of the Bible and twist Him into a version of Jesus we are most comfortable with. A nice, middle-class, American Jesus. A Jesus who doesn't mind materialism and who would never call us to give away everything we have. A Jesus who brings us comfort and prosperity as we live out our Christian spin on the American dream... The Jesus of the gospel is something- someone- worth losing everything for. The cost of non-discipleship is profoundly greater for us than the cost of discipleship. For when we abandon the trinkets of this world and respond to the radical invitation of Jesus, we discover the infinite treasure of knowing and experiencing Him." HIM. The one who lived and gave out of radical love for us. Does He not deserve anything but radical abandonment and love from me?

As God had been tapping at my heart about this all day, and as my mind was in search for what it actually looked like to 'associate with the lowly'- this incredibly poignant call and challenge Jesus asks of us- I went to church that night and spent the evening with some incredible kids. I listened as Gabby, about 12 years old, told me how her life has turned upside down since she found out that her Daddy has cancer, and I listened in awe as this tenacious hope glistens in her eyes as she speaks. And I talked to Gabby and Noah, the most adorable brother and sister, full of spunk and joy, as they told Jeremy and I how their family is struggling just to get by.

Back up a little bit, if you know me at all, you know that I love clothes. And I love finding good deals, which is the only reason I have attained as much as I have. It's like a treasure hunt! So, there's this store here in Santa Barbara, full of the absolute cutest things, and you can sell clothes to them, trade clothes with them, or just buy their darling pieces. So, the last few weeks I've been going through all my clothes, and literally got rid of half of everything I had! And I've been so excited to take it to this store, and trade it in for some new, fun, delightful dresses, tops, etc.. But last night as I'm listening to these precious little ones share their stories, and as I'm thinking about what the cost of discipleship looks like as Jesus continues to take hold of my life and world, I had an idea. I asked Jeremy what he thought if we helped some of the kids that couldn't go to camp next week, because of financial reasons, get there? And I decided instead of trading all those clothes in to get more cute clothes, I really wanted to use the money, to help these kids get to camp. And he was all for it! And this incredible excitement came over me.

Now here's the thing, I don't say this to make it sound like I'm some great Christian or so selfless or anything, because to be honest, when I woke up this morning, I wondered how I could still get some cute clothes out of it and help the kids! Haha. I am still a selfish person. But Jesus is doing His work, and He choses to use us, as selfish as we can be! In His amazing grace, He does something in us and through us, and... if we are willing, we get to see and be a part of His Kingdom coming to Earth.

I walked into the kitchen after this conversation, to hear my husband say, "You know that really expensive motorcycle I've been pursuing and working towards (and obsessing over), well... I don't want it. To truly live radically for Jesus is everything I want. No matter the cost. I'm ok living a more simple life, in order to be used and for us to really live out the gospel. I want to live like Jesus is calling us to live, and that doesn't mean a fancy excessive lifestyle. And it excites me." And do you know what...it was the hottest thing I have ever heard. Because this is what Love is, that He laid down His life for us. Can we not do anything less for Him? In the big and little areas. I can tell you with certainty that He's worth it. And our reward is more fulfilling than ridiculously cute clothes (which I still have to remind myself :), and an attention-getting-fancy-motorcycle. In the end, it is gain. He came to give us life and life to the fullest. And that doesn't start once we die and go to heaven. That starts the minute he comes into our lives, and starts to ruin us for the ordinary. Are we ready?

Jesus, the Son of Compassion

These thoughts and notes were formulated after I heard an awesome teaching on John 6, taught by my friend Brian Stoltey- http://www.thegospelchurch.net/.

Jesus came to serve, and not to be served. He came to give, and not to be given.

:: Jesus feeds the Five Thousand ::

The little boy that came to hear Jesus is significant. We don't know much about him, but we do know that the lunch he had, proved that he was the poorest of the poor...Barley is the cheapest food. I love that Jesus uses the poor to teach us so much. And He sees them as valuable. This little boy is the only one who seems to really get it in these scriptures. He offered Jesus everything he had in order for Jesus to have it. He probably didn't even know that Jesus wanted to feed the five thousand...he just wanted to give Jesus his meal.

What we are about to see in Scripture is powerful. Jesus shows us here that He is the Son of Compassion. He recognized that the physical need is also met with a spiritual need, and vice versa. What we have doesn't necessarily mean it's going to get rid of the problem. What does matter, is that Jesus gets everything that we have. And He can use it in unexpected ways. Just like the little boy gave it all to Jesus.

John keeps using the word 'sign'. This is a sign that, not only can Jesus use anything that we offer Him, but also that people couldn't even understand the reality of who Jesus was. That something so small (the little meal, and an analogy of Jesus) could meet the need of so many. Jesus says, "Sit down on the grass", and for us to just let Jesus be Jesus; to give Him everything we have! "It's great that people's needs get met, but it's pointless if people's needs get met here, but then they just go to hell with full bellies. Jesus came to give life, and life to the fullest. Eternal life." - Brian

He is life. How incredible is His tenacious love for us! For all of us. He gave everything. Everything for you. For me. What are we willing to give Him? I hope it's everything. He has this incredible way of taking the simplest thing, just like that tiny little meal, and doing something extraordinary.

Know Jesus well enough to know what His agenda is.

When we care about Jesus well enough to know what His plans are...it gives us a glimpse of what Jesus intended to do. And is continuing to do.

Rain, Rain....

As I was journalling tonight, I was wondering what I was doing in Africa this very day, a year ago. And this is what I had written in my journal that day...

I woke up this morning to the rain, then I grabbed my shampoo ran outside and showered in it! I'm sitting here by my windows, cup of coffee in hand, and laughing at how amazing it is that waking up to the rain can put me in such a good mood. My precious little on, Joshua, just came home from the hospital. He has HIV, and the doctors didn't think he was going to make it this time. But he is alive and he's home! I praise you, my Jesus, for being the Father to the fatherless and caring for these little ones. Give me your strength today. When I am tired, refresh me, Oh Lord. Without you, I last about an hour. I want to give them, and most of all You, my best today. Everything I do is unto you. I pray that your Kingdom would be furthered today and that people would know your love more deeply, this beautiful rainy day, including me! Would your rain wash away hopelessness, sin, and strongholds in this city. Bring people to Truth. Breakthrough in this country, Father! Breakthrough to hearts. I love you so much, and am so grateful to be here today.

Now I'm off to feed my babies!

My prayer is the same tonight, except for the people here in California. Jesus have your way with me. Have your way with us. I fall asleep with thanksgiving to you on my tongue, and I want to wake with Thanksgiving on my heart and tongue!

:: Love List

So, something I learned from my dear friend Jade while living in Uganda together (and absolutely adore) is how she would write Love Lists for the day. Little and big things she was grateful for. Sometimes it does your heart and spirit good to just look upon the goodness of our God in midst of chaos, heaviness, or the unknown. But, I think it also does the heart and spirit good to dwell on these things when things are going just peachy too! So, tonight, as I sit in this fabulous little haven of a coffee shop on state street I think upon the beautiful little and big things I'm grateful to my Father for.

Today's Love List...

:: Coffee and Bagels with two of my dearest friends this morning (and the hilarious sleepover we had last night!).

:: Baking Peanut Butter Brownies (apron and all) for my Soon-to-be-Mr., so that when he comes home tomorrow He'll have some yummy goodness!

:: A refreshing time with the Lord this morning at Butterfly Beach (two minutes away from our new home!)

:: Knowing that, as much as my heart aches for my little ones in Uganda, He sets the lonely in homes, and does bring redemption! He is capable. He is working. And I trust Him.

:: My friends in Uganda right now who have two new (just met their adopted little ones for the first time) members of their precious family, now finally all together! And that God's stirring this need and call up in people's hearts all over the world!

:: That my Honey gets to have some sweet and incredibly valuable time with his Mama this weekend.

:; And that as weak and sick as she is, she was able to come to our engagement party, and share that with us!

:: That I am God's daughter, and He loves when I set aside time to spend with Him.

:: Running into dear friends at coffee shops, and being SO grateful for the amazing community God's surrounded me in, RIGHT HERE.

:: Getting my creative outlet surging with some crafts to make our new home cozy.

:: That our wedding is for God's glory, and He knows the desires of my heart. No matter how things may fall through, or what could seem disappointing, I know that God doesn't disappoint and it's going to be an INCREDIBLE day, marrying the man of my dreams, with everyone we love surrounding us, and a HUGE celebration!

I have so many things to be grateful for tonight. I feel so content, and fulfilled.

Thank you, Jesus. I've loved my time with you today. You're quite wonderful, you know that?!

I just cut some fresh jasmine in the garden, and hunkered down with a nice mug of coffee, spending time with my Jesus. I read this this morning and wanted to share...

"God's mercy never fails.

The Christian who surrenders in trust to this truth finds Jesus Christ in a new way. It marks the beginning of a deeper life of faith where joy and peace flourish even in the darkness, because they are rooted, not in superficial human feelings, but deep down in the dark certainty of faith that Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever."

(from "Reflections for Ragamuffins" by Brennan Manning)

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

Hebrews 11:1

Father, root me deep in your Truth... that despite fleeting feelings, I would rest deep in the truth that Your mercy never fails. Help me live a life today that emanates that.

Hope

What an amazingly refreshing morning. Jesus has been reminding me sweet, sweet things today. As I remember that He speaks to me. Directly. Me and Him. Because He loves me, and I'm His daughter. I take a deep long breathe, as if after a long swim, and I remember.... I remember His sacrifice. I remember His resurrection. I remember His ultimate expression of Love, and how He keeps pouring it over me again and again. I remember how He didn't create us to live comfortably or ordinarily. I remember how He sees everything, even the things throughout the world, and the hearts throughout the world that feel unseen or forgotten. The circumstances that seem abandoned. I remember how when I think something is unfair, He sees it as a fabulous way that He's going to bring beauty to. And when I see something as painful, He sees it as a opportunity to scoop us up in His arms and drench us in His comfort, reminding us of His tenacious love and protective Father's heart. He sees what we see as hopeless as an opportunity for a miracle, and the perfect way to turn hearts towards His. Maybe hearts that have already loved Him, but have forgotten, maybe even a little bit. And he uses these unexpected bumps in the road, to woo us back to His heart.

Sometimes, actually, very often....I have absolutely no idea why God allows certain things to happen. I'm not even going to pretend to know. But I'll tell you what I do know. I know my Jesus loves me. I know He's alive and He's working. I know He hasn't forgotten us, nor left us abandoned. I know He comforts the brokenhearted, and brings hope to the hopeless. I know He has this incredible way of redeeming the most impossible situations. I know He is for us.

As I watch cancer take over my Mother in law's body... and as we heard hard news today that it's spread to her brain.. as I see her, her husband, her children, and all those who love her, clinging to Jesus and trusting Him with everything they have....I remember...'Those who HOPE in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint'. We're drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes. He is capable. And He loves us.

He. loves. us.


listen to this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ICui-tFOFo

Today, I spent Easter in Africa....and it was spectacular.

I woke up to a gorgeous morning and took a boda to church, were we had the most beautiful Easter service. It is amazing to worship with so many different people, all of us with our different stories, different struggles, different joys.....yet, all in awe of, and there to glorify, One beautiful God. I cried as I looked over at one of our street boys sitting next to me, with his eyes closed, tears streaming down his cheeks, singing at the top of his lungs his love to Jesus, head swaying to the right and then the left in adoration. What a gorgeous example of God’s hope. He took a boy...starving, addicted to drugs as his only source of comfort and warmth, left hopeless...and He brought him out of the pit, gave Him life, and now causes Joseph’s heart to beat with love for His Savior. Literally.....his Savior. I am in awe at the work God is doing here, His love so extravagant.

Later in the day, we went out to Ssenge and had such a perfect afternoon at the boys home for street kids. Imagine the most simple, gorgeous place, far away from the hustle and bustle of city chaos, where you’re stripped of things like running water and electricity, but surrounded by all beauty. It’s like a haven. I honestly feel closer to God being out there. And I learn so much about God’s heart from these boys. One of them told me the Easter story today, and when I asked him why he thought Jesus died, he responded in his adorable little accent, “People. He just loves people!” It was like a cup of cold water remembering how simple it really is. He just loves people. We spent the afternoon playing soccer, trampolined, sang and danced, did lots of running, and then lots more dancing, enjoying the beauty of Jesus all around us. After that, I took a motorcycle back through the jungle, caught a taxi stuffed full of people (many on top of each others’ laps), took another motorcycle home where I met up with my friend Polly, and then took yet another motorcycle into town to go grocery shopping....because we were about to make an amazing Easter feast for all of our friends.

We arrived at Garden City, the Western shopping center where all the UN workers, NGO’s, and tourists go (it’s a bit of culture shock after living in Kampala), and as we were walking in, I saw this ragamuffin bunch of kids, with their torn clothes and broken shoes, and wondered to myself what they were doing in this shopping center? Polly and I continued into the store, as we set about finding the perfect ingredients for the perfect Easter feast. As we were walking through the isles the group of kids (two little girls and two little boys, under about the age of 9) walked through our aisle, and they looked at me and smiled, giggled, and asked how I was. When I responded back in their language, their eyes lit up and they started following us through the store.

Now, let me just say that, at this point, I realized that they were beggar kids and had come here to get anything they could from anyone that would give them something. They started following us around, holding onto our arms like we were their mamas, and asked curious questions about the ingredients for our feast like what ‘pasta’ was. They followed us, and kept on following us. It could have been annoying because we were in a hurry to get back, and people tell you “Don’t give them anything because it will just reinforce their begging and add to the problem!”...which, to be honest, is probably true.....but it’s EASTER. The day that we celebrate ultimate love and sacrifice and how that changed our lives. And, to be honest, I think that every kid should get spoiled with some yummy biscuits and Cadbury chocolate on Easter. I didn’t care if people said it added to the problem, I wanted those kids to feel so spoiled. While the kids were walking with us, I couldn’t help but wonder if they just wanted to feel like they belonged to someone. So I asked them if they wanted to be my babies for the day, and they shook their heads yes, and we continued shopping, smiling as we got curious looks from people passing.

It’s so simple. I didn’t do anything extravagant or anything that even required much, but those little ones were grinning ear to ear, feeling loved and feeling that they existed. And I remembered how simple it actually is to make a dent in people’s hearts, as His love melts away indifference and penetrates hopelessness. It’s amazing how much a little Cadbury and some puttzing through grocery store isles can make the forgotten feel loved.

We came home and made our amazing Easter feast, with a few bumps in the road (we ran of our gas in the stove while we were cooking, and then ran out of water when we were cleaning it all up...a daily occurrence). But it was just amazing to eat, be with dear friends, eat some more, and celebrate Love. I was reminded today to not be overwhelmed by the enormous need here, but to stop for the one....being Jesus’ Cadbury chocolate covered hands and feet.

“Give the King your justice...May He judge your people with righteousness and your poor with justice! Let the mountains bear prosperity for the people, and the hills in righteousness! May He defend the cause of the poor of the people, give deliverance to the children of the needy...In His days may the righteous flourish and peace abound till the moon be no more.”

:: Psalm 72

The Lord has been stirring up deep, deep things in my heart while being here. I admit that something I am growing in is knowing how to see heavy things and heartbreaking situations, and not be paralyzed by the weight of it. That I would give it back to Jesus and trust Him with it, because, after all, he loves humanity more than I ever could. But, I am also realizing that God let’s us see things for a reason, and shows us things not so that we could just sit back, but so that we could join Him in seeing change come to that situation and that life. That we would be vessels of that change.

Today even, as I walked through the streets of Kampala, I see so many kids (and I mean some as young as two years old), forced to beg on the streets by their parents....parents who should be empowering their children, and teaching them that they have purpose and potential.....but instead, use their children and their children’s future for their gain. If you walk the streets here you’ll see a little girl missing her arms and legs, and will later find out that her parents cut them off when she was young so that she could get more for them when she begged. I saw a Western man today, drenched in his expensive cologne, as he walked right past three different street kids, without being fazed or even acknowledging them as human beings.

In our city there are these fancy, tall corporate buildings right next to heart wrenching slums....and I just don’t understand how the two can exist right next to each other, without anything changing. I believe that God lets us see harsh realities like these so that we can do something about it. I admit that I see things like this it’s easy to feel completely incapable. And then I realize, I am incapable, and shamelessly so...but I am dependent on the One whose love is more for them than I could ever muster. This isn’t about me being some good humanitarian.....because, honestly without His love, I can’t bring any change. No, it’s about me and it’s about you joining Him as His love story for humanity unfolds.

Sweet, sweet love. And there is always enough. ‘The greatest of these is love’.....and there i always enough. Even more than when we’re tired of loving and have poured it all out. We possess the same love of the One who created humanity....the love of the One who poured it out for the broken flowing through us. My heart collides, unexpectedly, from anything of myself; now morphing into the one whose essence is Love itself.

God has been absolutely ruining me for the ordinary as I've been here in Uganda. Last night, my friend Jade and I started a series called "Radical"and we didn't want it to end. Please take some time and listen to it. Honestly, it will change your life. And challenge you to live true discipleship. It will make you laugh, cry, get the chills, feel challenged, feel loved.....an most of all, not want to live the same. I encourage you to listen to this series, as we ask God what it looks like to actually live out the Gospel...the whole Gospel...not just the parts we want to highlight and live by, but the entirety of what Jesus calls us to. And it IS the most satisfying life ever. I am hungry for change. Ready to be ruined by Jesus.

You can go here
http://www.brookhills.org/media/series/radical/
and either watch it or listen to it. You can also go to itunes and download the podcasts.
I would love to hear feedback from you of what God is showing you through it. Feel free to email me at mombasa26@gmail.com.

My friend Jade has been here for the past two months away from her husband and daughters, waiting for the adoption of her gorgeous son, Ezra, to go through. The journey God has been taking her and her family on has been beautiful....not always painless....but so, so beautiful. Her husband wrote this for her and I just loved it.

Jade,

It was awesome to talk with you today. Sorry I don’t have pictures of myself to put on here. I guess that’s what happens when you leave, WAY less pictures going on around here. Today was a good day, productive practice this morning, warm day to work around the house, Sunday school prep this evening…etc.

I used one of your tshirts as my pillow case:) How is that for sappy? I like a good tshirt pillow case though, perfect material for faces.

I just about have Samuel’s room done. You’re going to love it. The bed and the dresser are supposed to be dropped off any time, then that room will be complete and ready for a little boy!

I really liked your post today. I know it’s so hard to go through this not being able to see what is coming and not being pleased by the progress. We love the plan when we are happy, we just have to trust it when we aren’t. As the great Mumford and Sons put it: ‘Hold on to what you believe in the light when the darkness has robbed you of all your sight.’ You quote scripture and I quote lyrics, you’re making me look bad;)

I am proud of you babe. God doesn’t waste time, this has been five ON PURPOSE weeks. They are useful to the building of God’s kingdom and you haven’t wasted them with sadness and complaining. For that, I am a supremely proud and happy husband. I mean that. I’m beyond happy with you, Jade, I am celebrating your diligence and discipline. You have followed God on this path that veers away from what you planned. You have chased Him even though it meant selfless efforts through pain and heartache and confusion. Oh man! Man oh man oh man!!! The more you LOVE Him and OBEY Him the more I desire you and respect you.

So I guess we have another week ahead huh? I’m excited to see what gets done…love seeing you at the other missions places helping out. Maybe you will get another opportunity this week! Whatever you do, God is at work there.

I love you and miss you. Have a great Sunday babe. Kiss my kid for me.

Nathan.

Jesus remains Lord by being a servant.

I am convinced that Jesus’ ministry was so effective because of how humbly He loved. He was not afraid of getting into the hard places and loving even there. And this is exactly the way I am to love. This is the we are to love. Not afraid to be a servant. To die to anything of ourselves so that others may be loved. When the Bible says “greater things shall you do”, I think that we need to really compare that to what Jesus is meaning, as well as comparing it to what things He did that we are to carry on. The answer is greater things than what Jesus’ ministry was here on this earth. What an amazing promise to our obedience! So if we honestly want to do greater things, we have to look at why and how Jesus was so effective.....and it all comes back to how He came as a servant and loved out of complete humility.

If you think about the culture of that time (and, to be honest, our culture now), it was all about climbing up the social ladder and gaining prestige among society. How often do even Christians, and evangelists, and prophets and....I search after this! If you and I want to see the promise of ‘greater things’ fulfilled, we have to be willing to love with absolutely no recognition or pats on the back. To love God and love people (the one cannot exist without the other) is not for our own well being or to make ourselves feel better at the end of the day. It is because we are called to it, and created for it, even when it stretches every part of us, pushing us out of our cozy comforts, and sometimes into others’ pain.....and yes, often when it does not feel good to love. (Inevitably, it is the most fulfilling feeling in the end...which I just think is beautiful.)

I also think about the phrase “greater things”, and how easy it is to immediately think signs and wonders. While I think that miracles are absolutely a part of God’s Kingdom today (I have seen God do crazy, crazy things. Let me know if you ever want to talk about this), I don’t think that it’s the core of what Jesus is talking about. I think that’s a part of it, for sure, but I think the main thing, and the greatest thing, is that people would know the true, potent, life changing love that Christ has. Love that gives hope and causes us to see God’s goodness and glorify His name in the midst of the crap and the trial. Love that ruins us for the ordinary, and makes us truly alive, no matter what the circumstance. That is the ‘greater things’ I want to see! And to be honest, that isn’t always accompanied by a hyper spiritual experience. Yes, sometimes it is totally accompanied by signs and wonders, and I want to expect Go to do the craziest things He wants to do! But... are we willing to see God’s will be done and His love reach people, even when there’s not some crazy, feel good thing that happens with it? Are we willing to get our hands dirty to truly love people. To meet them in their struggle and pain, and love them there?

My heart says “yes!”. The greatest thing is that everyone would know His sweet, sweet love. And that because of it, their lives would never be the same. That whether they’re in a season of much, or a season of little, that even that wouldn’t look the same because the hope, the beauty, and the goodness of God is our strength, no matter how long the seasons last.

So, my prayer is that we will absolutely see greater things....and that in order to truly see the promise fulfilled, we would be willing to love and serve without reserve, and with absolutely no one watching or saying “look at that anointed one”. But, that we would live and breathe His love. And through it, all will come to know such love! And that, my friends... is definitely the greatest thing Jesus is talking about.

“The Beloved disciple [John] presents a mind bending image of God, blowing away all previous conceptions of who the Messiah is and what discipleship is all about. What a scandalous reversal of the world’s values! To prefer to be the servant rather than the Lord of the household is the path of downward mobility in an upwardly mobile culture. To taunt the idols of prestige, honor, and recognition, to refuse to take oneself seriously or to take seriously others who take themselves seriously, and to freely embrace the servant lifestyle- these are the attitudes that bear the stamp of authentic discipleship. The stark realism of John’s portrait of Jesus leaves no room for emotion or mood or feeling; it is a decision to live like Jesus. It has nothing to do with what we feel; it has everything to do with what we do- humble service. To listen obediently to Jesus- “If I then, the Lord ad Master, have washed your feet, you should wash each others’ feet”- is to hear the heartbeat of the Rabbi that John knew and loved. When being is divorced from doing, pious thoughts become an adequate substitute for washing dirty feet.”

~Brennan Manning

‘So He got up from the meal, took off His outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around His waist. After that, He poured water into a basin and began to wash their feet, drying them with the towel that was around Him.’

John 13:4-5

Jesus remains Lord by being a servant.

:: concrete love ::

You've been walked past, in your state of brokenness.
As scoundrels pass, your tissue paper heart rips by harsh winds of dismissal.
While hurricanes of assumption define their thoughts and mold their judgments.
A post-it note stating 'Crazy' they've stuck to your weathered forehead, with uncanny fate. They don't even know the love and beauty that weathered skin has seen.

Doomed. They cast upon you with their glances.
Failure. They resonate with haughty eyes, as if you've brought this upon yourself.

Selfish fear replaces the selfless simplicity of boldness we know as love.

You've seen it all. The Indian with his lucky coin. The ex-soldier with his nostalgic rings. The aimless wanderer with his coffee cup, his stories, and his addiction to nothing other than adventure. Jesus. When will your people see you? We ask to see you. But we don't even want to sometimes.

You are the man with the torn backpack in front of Target. You are the women at the corner of Betteravia and the freeway. You are the child sleeping in the strawberry fields.

May selflessness replace bonds of fear. May hope move past thoughts of dismissal. May we see you like we've never dared to see you before.

I am......Awakened.

This morning I woke up to a clean house {such a good feeling}, and read an incredible article on Africa. I felt awakened. There's something spectacular that happens when my eyes turn towards the East - and my heart is stirred to the land that has held me captive for years. Visionary ideas. Creative catapults. Idealic summersaults...take over and I remember, if i have ever forgotten, that I am alive. Like truly alive. I exist. I think that everyone longs to feel known. That the earth and all of humanity recognize that they exist. That's exactly how I feel when the chasms of my soul open to Africa. I feel like I have purpose. I admit, the excitement of leaving for Uganda is accompanied by a nervous little companion. Not fear, no...just wonder of the unknown, with all of it's anxious excitement. I am ready, though.

Lord, continue to ready me.

Well, here goes the journey.

It hit me today that I have only two months before I head off to the land of the lion and the zebra, stunning sunsets, and coffee skinned people. This last week, I spoke at my church about what I'll be doing in Uganda, and what Amani is already doing.

All I can say is that God moved the hearts of His people. Big time.

In one morning, God provided $5,000...which is half of the entire cost I will need. Given in ONE morning! I am still in awe, completely overwhelmed by the beauty of God's Bride rising up to see His mercy poured out to the nations. I'm humbled that I get to be a part of it. And am filled with this deep joy as I think about the people of Jinja, and the joy it's going to be to finally meet them. Today, I was praying to see the details of Jesus' heart, and what He's been showing me is the simple importance of loving well. I have been wrecked again and again this week by the simplicity, the mystery, and the power of what Jesus did at the cross. I'm not going to lie, I've just been weeping as it hits me all over again just what He did. For me. For you. For the innocent kids in Jinja. And for the insanely hard person to deal with across the street.

I hope the reality of His love through the cross never stops ruining us.

With this fresh revelation of such love {and how irresistable it is}... love that runs deep in us as His sons and daughters, I think how we cannot, and must not, keep it to ourselves. Those who have been forgiven much, love much. And so, I am learning {emphasis on the still learning} to love well.
What does that even look like, Lord? Will you continue to show us how you love us. And in seeing that, may we mirror that unselfish, unashamed, and completely impartial love.

"We can all see as plain as day that Jesus says the number one commandment is to love the Lord and love your neighbor. I happened to move to Uganda and love those neighbors, but that is not the point. As believers, we should already KNOW our calling; it is to love the Lord and love our neighbors by caring for them in whatever broken state they are in. When He said that "the poor will always be among us" I don't think he meant that as an excuse not to worry about it but as a reminder that there is ALWAYS a neighbor, no matter where we are, in a worse condition than we are. I can only believe that God created us to make this world a little better. That he designed us in love to show that love to others. I just don't know what everyone is waiting for."
~a sister in Uganda who is loving the Forgotten.

So as I get ready to leave for a land of desperate need, I am reminded of the need right here, in this moment. And I am ready to love well.

:: May we never stop realizing the crazy love of Jesus. And may we never stop pouring it out.

Hello dear friends!
I wanted to update you a bit on what God's been stirring in my heart these last few months and the next step I am taking.

Well, let me start from the beginning. When I was five years old, I fell in love with Africa. We had friends from Kenya live with us while on furlough, and I remember my five year old little heart beating fast as I heard stories of the people, their culture, their need, and greater yet, the miracles God was doing as he transformed entire villages with His love and His hope. And I thought to myself....I belong there.
I was in love.
It amazes me how you can be so in love with people that you've never met. But, I guess, that's the beauty of God's unfathomable heart. As I got older, I realized that this drawing to East Africa was actually God's call on my life, as it burned deeper and deeper each year. For years, I've been longing to finally go to the place that has held my heart for so long, but knew that God's timing was everything.

Over the summer... God said the word.

'Now'.

So... here I go! Headed to the beautiful people of Jinja, Uganda. After much prayer, God led me to an incredible organization there called Amani Baby Cottage. What God is doing through these amazing servants blows me away! They are an 'orphanage' that cares for babies from birth to six years old. They take in kids who have been dropped off by family members who cannot raise them, as well as newborn babies who have been left in garbage dumps. This is a group of humble, abandoned lovers of Christ, who have truly taken up the cause of the widow and the orphan, who have let their hearts break and beat with God's... as they then do something about it. They see these gorgeous kids as Uganda's next leaders who will lead their country to love the Lord and love others. I am deeply humbled that I get to work alongside such incredible people, humbled in knowing that God could do it all by himself, yet He lets us be a part of it; that we get to join Him in seeing the broken healed, the lonely loved, the abandoned remembered, and the hopeless restored. I still can't believe that I get to do it in Uganda!

So basically... I will be leaving in January to live over there for three months, working at the orphanage and among the people of Jinja. But, I cannot do it on my own! God humbly reminds me again and again that this isn't about me or my strength. It's about me uniting with His Bride as we see His kingdom furthered! And so I ask you....all amazing friends that have had such an impact in my life, to join me in this next step. I can't do it without you!

::First and foremost, I would love your prayer and intercession. I know this sounds cliché, but honestly, I can't go without it! It's the intercession of God's people and the power of prayer that I need to be able to do what God's calling me to. I am pleading with you to be in prayer with me for this. And to join me in intercession for the people of Jijna, as God is stirring things and doing breakthrough in their country.

::Secondly, I would like to humbly ask you to pray about supporting me financially. This is another area, where I've realized I cannot do it on my own. There's going to be many different opportunities to do this...for example, we will soon be selling beautiful handmade gifts such as jewelry, art, photography, and chocolates just in time for Christmas, which I'm really excited about! I'll keep you updated on this as it gets closer.

::Lastly, I would love to hear any of your stories of trips there, or pearls of wisdom and encouragement before I venture off. Like I said before, it's all of you and your relationships with me that have molded me, and I so value you and would love to hear whatever is on your heart! I love that God is a creative God who has given us diverse gifts and passions, and He uses it all when we come together. So whatever it is that you have to offer, I would love for you to join me in this. I know times are hard, and money is scarce, but there's so much more to do other than financially. Please let me know if there's something on your heart, and you would like to get involved! It's amazing to be on the journey with you guys, as we unite to see God's kingdom furthered and His love drench the ends of the earth! I can't imagine being alongside anyone else.

Deep, deep love,
Maggie


::If the Lord has laid it on your heart to support me financially, you can make check payable to:: The Ranch Church Memo: Maggie Ayers
The Ranch Church
PO Box 679 Solvang, Ca 93464

Thought this was stunning, and wanted to share it with you.

I was looking back on a letter I wrote my dad from Indo, and was refreshed, once again, as all the tastes, smells, feelings, and heart joy came back to me as I remembered.... 

gorgeous brown little Balinese kids

drinking fresh coconut milk

waking up to the sound of waves dancing upon the sand, and having only a little dirt road seperating us from the ocean

out of this world Indonesian food

worshipping with the locals in their language....as we set aside our indifference and God inhabits the praises of His people

going to the Jimbaran fish market everyday and becoming friends with the darling local women 

running children's programs for the kiddos of the village

worshipping and interceding on the beach in the middle of the night, and running on the beach early in the morning while tons of little naked Balinese kids run with me. (must have been a sight to see....a tall, white "Bulay" girl surrounded by all those naked bottoms!)

 

We went to the slums on wednesday and taught the children there. And I was sitting there with l these gorgeous kids on my lap, hanging on to my arms, as I sang to them, and taught them the alphabet....and Dad, this amazing contentment swept over me...as I thought, 'This is really it!  this is what I want to do with my life.' It was so incredible to actually DO what has been burning in me for so many years. To be immersed and living with the broken. And as hard as it's been sometimes, I want to do this for the rest of my life more than anything I've ever wanted. Ah, God is so good. 

And within the same week, my mom had written this in her prayer journal for me...

endearing child of mine

in hula skirt hair

blond curls everywhere

leggings under skirts

sticky bubble gum lips

worshipping You

alone in her room

tears filling her eyes

holy complexity

crayons at her feet

perfectly complete

 

I knew then

that startling moment

You'd be sending her

across the seas

dancing into danger

overcoming adversity

crowned in simplicity

this endearing child of mine...in hula skirt hair.

I am overwhelmed by the incredible parents that I have.... in them, I have two of my best friends who have given me consistent love and who have constantly believed in me. 

 

It has been said that before Michelangelo created his masterpiece "David", Davinci had been given a slab of what he considered "unusable" marble. Michelangelo then used that same piece of rock and created one of the most well know pieces of art in history. When asked how he formed such a masterpiece out of such an ugly piece of rock, he said "It was simple, I just cut away everything that didn't look like David". 

I think in the same way that's what God is doing with us. Cutting away everything that doesn't look like Christ in our lives. I am far fetched from being finished...but hope, that when He is finished, there will be nothing of me left. Just Jesus, in all of His goodness. 

the unusual:.

"Before familiarity can trust into awareness, the familiar must be stripped of it's inconspicuousness; we must give up assuming that the object in question needs no explanation. However frequently recurrent, modest, vulgar it may be, it will now be something unusual." ~Bertold Brecht

I am hoping for the unfamiliar. craving what's unacquainted. wash over me your newness. cannonballing into newfangled seasons...experiences...endevors. i miss you my dear friend. the unknown has me wrapped around it's finger. can i see through it's eyes? have it's boldness? i feel at the crux of rattling decisions. what will it be? so. what will it be. all that matters is that I be. i am confident that beauty will come through it either way. "be":: to exist or live. "exist":: to remain or to be found. the latter has me curious. 

:::Immersion

A bit of my time with Jesus today...

I was reading about the Jordan River. The thing about the Jordan is that it became a dividing line. It was considered the River of the 'Jews", but to everyone else it was the river of offense. {For instance Naaman, didn't want to be washed in it, because of this}. But what do I want more...God's anointing or man's respectability? This is the same place where Jesus was baptized. Luke 3:21 talks about this. What I love about God is that in Jesus' place of weakness, the love of the Father met Him there. The same love that met Hannah in the temple. In her weakness and vulnerability, she cried out to God for a son. And the Holy Spirit met her in a place of weakness {through Eli the priest} and told her she would have a son.
And, with Jesus... it says in verse 22 of Luke 3 that "the Holy Spirit ascended upon Him like a dove...". First came the love of the Father "this is my Son in whom I am well pleased'....then came the 'upon' anointing. We have been baptized in that too! We stand drenched in the Father's love, and then anointed with His Spirit {our Great Helper}. It was only in that rooting of the Father's love that Jesus was then able to go out and be intensely tempted by Satan...and then come out of the wilderness with the Power of the Holy Spirit.

The anointing comes out of a place of intimacy.
Intimacy comes out of the Love of the Father.
And out of the Love of the Father comes the Kingdom of God.

In His presence we are refreshed. I feel it right now. A friend said this to me. In connecting with God we get the Rhythm of Life...and that is this {Seeking-Soaking-Going} :: Seeking: through His Word and His Heart. Soaking: In His love and presence. Getting filled to overflowing. & Going:Out of that overflow we can go out.
God's power on our life is meant to increase through difficulty. Just like Hannah's pain led to her to cry out to God. And Jesus' time in the wilderness, led Him to lean n God's truth. It deepened His experience with the Father, He got filled up, and came out of it in the power of the Holy Spirit.
I want to go to the unexpected {Jordan River} places, and be immersed...drenched in the goodness. To have the Love of the Father clothe me, and the "upon" anointing follow. I need this everyday. It is our lifeline. Through it comes the Rhythm of life. God's power does turn the drowning place into walking places. And we come out with the power of God. I love that He meets me in my vulnerability, and does His miracles. The Kingdom of God does not consist of words. So I wait to see, to experience, to be a part of it's goodness. Are we ready to go all in? Because eventually Naaman did. In 2 Kings it says, "Naaman went down to the Jordan River and dipped himself seven times, as the man of God had instructed him. And his flesh became as healthy as a young child's and he was healed."
I am ready to go all in. God show me what that even looks like. I love how it says that Naaman and his entire party went back to find the man of God {Elisha}, and Naaman professed that the God of Isreal was real. Refresh us, Oh God. Dip us and cleanse us, that in coming up we are set free and anointed, ready to further the Kingdom that Jesus launched into action.