Learning the Cost of Discipleship

Last week and this week we have had VBS with our kids ministry (whom my husband is the children's pastor), and next week we leave for four days for camp with our 5th and 6th graders. Crazy beginning as newlyweds, but we've been loving every minute of it! Next week we'll be diving into Romans 12 with our Junior Junior Highers, and as I've been reading through it these last few days, Jesus has been challenging me and ruining me in new ways. And it's been amazing.

Yesterday, I read verse 15 and 16 that says "Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly", and couldn't help but stop in my tracks. What does that even look like? We have an incredible example of what perfect Love looks like through Jesus. That He chose to suffer for you. For me. That everything He did was out of the most perfect love, and that it was for us. He was the Son of Compassion. That the love of the Father moved his heart. Compassion means that you are so moved that you are physically shaken. And this is the love Jesus has. And for some incredible reason, undeserved by me, He choses to lavish it on me. How can I not then, pour it out to others? To 'rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep'. You see, truly loving others isn't about our timing, or in the way that feels most comfortable to us. It often requires us to sacrifice something. To step out of my tendency to focus on myself, and to chose to love, no matter how much it requires of me.

And the verse "Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly'. 'Do not be haughty' is pretty self explanatory. But, 'associate with the lowly'. What does that even look like?! My husband and I talked about this verse, and ultimately this call of Jesus, for a while yesterday. And it moved us. We long to be a part of something bigger than ourselves. To take up the call of Jesus, and the cost of discipleship. And as crazy hard as it can be sometimes, the cost of non-discipleship is actually greater. David Platt says it so well in his book 'Radical'. "We are giving into the dangerous temptation to take the Jesus of the Bible and twist Him into a version of Jesus we are most comfortable with. A nice, middle-class, American Jesus. A Jesus who doesn't mind materialism and who would never call us to give away everything we have. A Jesus who brings us comfort and prosperity as we live out our Christian spin on the American dream... The Jesus of the gospel is something- someone- worth losing everything for. The cost of non-discipleship is profoundly greater for us than the cost of discipleship. For when we abandon the trinkets of this world and respond to the radical invitation of Jesus, we discover the infinite treasure of knowing and experiencing Him." HIM. The one who lived and gave out of radical love for us. Does He not deserve anything but radical abandonment and love from me?

As God had been tapping at my heart about this all day, and as my mind was in search for what it actually looked like to 'associate with the lowly'- this incredibly poignant call and challenge Jesus asks of us- I went to church that night and spent the evening with some incredible kids. I listened as Gabby, about 12 years old, told me how her life has turned upside down since she found out that her Daddy has cancer, and I listened in awe as this tenacious hope glistens in her eyes as she speaks. And I talked to Gabby and Noah, the most adorable brother and sister, full of spunk and joy, as they told Jeremy and I how their family is struggling just to get by.

Back up a little bit, if you know me at all, you know that I love clothes. And I love finding good deals, which is the only reason I have attained as much as I have. It's like a treasure hunt! So, there's this store here in Santa Barbara, full of the absolute cutest things, and you can sell clothes to them, trade clothes with them, or just buy their darling pieces. So, the last few weeks I've been going through all my clothes, and literally got rid of half of everything I had! And I've been so excited to take it to this store, and trade it in for some new, fun, delightful dresses, tops, etc.. But last night as I'm listening to these precious little ones share their stories, and as I'm thinking about what the cost of discipleship looks like as Jesus continues to take hold of my life and world, I had an idea. I asked Jeremy what he thought if we helped some of the kids that couldn't go to camp next week, because of financial reasons, get there? And I decided instead of trading all those clothes in to get more cute clothes, I really wanted to use the money, to help these kids get to camp. And he was all for it! And this incredible excitement came over me.

Now here's the thing, I don't say this to make it sound like I'm some great Christian or so selfless or anything, because to be honest, when I woke up this morning, I wondered how I could still get some cute clothes out of it and help the kids! Haha. I am still a selfish person. But Jesus is doing His work, and He choses to use us, as selfish as we can be! In His amazing grace, He does something in us and through us, and... if we are willing, we get to see and be a part of His Kingdom coming to Earth.

I walked into the kitchen after this conversation, to hear my husband say, "You know that really expensive motorcycle I've been pursuing and working towards (and obsessing over), well... I don't want it. To truly live radically for Jesus is everything I want. No matter the cost. I'm ok living a more simple life, in order to be used and for us to really live out the gospel. I want to live like Jesus is calling us to live, and that doesn't mean a fancy excessive lifestyle. And it excites me." And do you know what...it was the hottest thing I have ever heard. Because this is what Love is, that He laid down His life for us. Can we not do anything less for Him? In the big and little areas. I can tell you with certainty that He's worth it. And our reward is more fulfilling than ridiculously cute clothes (which I still have to remind myself :), and an attention-getting-fancy-motorcycle. In the end, it is gain. He came to give us life and life to the fullest. And that doesn't start once we die and go to heaven. That starts the minute he comes into our lives, and starts to ruin us for the ordinary. Are we ready?

Jesus, the Son of Compassion

These thoughts and notes were formulated after I heard an awesome teaching on John 6, taught by my friend Brian Stoltey- http://www.thegospelchurch.net/.

Jesus came to serve, and not to be served. He came to give, and not to be given.

:: Jesus feeds the Five Thousand ::

The little boy that came to hear Jesus is significant. We don't know much about him, but we do know that the lunch he had, proved that he was the poorest of the poor...Barley is the cheapest food. I love that Jesus uses the poor to teach us so much. And He sees them as valuable. This little boy is the only one who seems to really get it in these scriptures. He offered Jesus everything he had in order for Jesus to have it. He probably didn't even know that Jesus wanted to feed the five thousand...he just wanted to give Jesus his meal.

What we are about to see in Scripture is powerful. Jesus shows us here that He is the Son of Compassion. He recognized that the physical need is also met with a spiritual need, and vice versa. What we have doesn't necessarily mean it's going to get rid of the problem. What does matter, is that Jesus gets everything that we have. And He can use it in unexpected ways. Just like the little boy gave it all to Jesus.

John keeps using the word 'sign'. This is a sign that, not only can Jesus use anything that we offer Him, but also that people couldn't even understand the reality of who Jesus was. That something so small (the little meal, and an analogy of Jesus) could meet the need of so many. Jesus says, "Sit down on the grass", and for us to just let Jesus be Jesus; to give Him everything we have! "It's great that people's needs get met, but it's pointless if people's needs get met here, but then they just go to hell with full bellies. Jesus came to give life, and life to the fullest. Eternal life." - Brian

He is life. How incredible is His tenacious love for us! For all of us. He gave everything. Everything for you. For me. What are we willing to give Him? I hope it's everything. He has this incredible way of taking the simplest thing, just like that tiny little meal, and doing something extraordinary.

Know Jesus well enough to know what His agenda is.

When we care about Jesus well enough to know what His plans are...it gives us a glimpse of what Jesus intended to do. And is continuing to do.

Rain, Rain....

As I was journalling tonight, I was wondering what I was doing in Africa this very day, a year ago. And this is what I had written in my journal that day...

I woke up this morning to the rain, then I grabbed my shampoo ran outside and showered in it! I'm sitting here by my windows, cup of coffee in hand, and laughing at how amazing it is that waking up to the rain can put me in such a good mood. My precious little on, Joshua, just came home from the hospital. He has HIV, and the doctors didn't think he was going to make it this time. But he is alive and he's home! I praise you, my Jesus, for being the Father to the fatherless and caring for these little ones. Give me your strength today. When I am tired, refresh me, Oh Lord. Without you, I last about an hour. I want to give them, and most of all You, my best today. Everything I do is unto you. I pray that your Kingdom would be furthered today and that people would know your love more deeply, this beautiful rainy day, including me! Would your rain wash away hopelessness, sin, and strongholds in this city. Bring people to Truth. Breakthrough in this country, Father! Breakthrough to hearts. I love you so much, and am so grateful to be here today.

Now I'm off to feed my babies!

My prayer is the same tonight, except for the people here in California. Jesus have your way with me. Have your way with us. I fall asleep with thanksgiving to you on my tongue, and I want to wake with Thanksgiving on my heart and tongue!

:: Love List

So, something I learned from my dear friend Jade while living in Uganda together (and absolutely adore) is how she would write Love Lists for the day. Little and big things she was grateful for. Sometimes it does your heart and spirit good to just look upon the goodness of our God in midst of chaos, heaviness, or the unknown. But, I think it also does the heart and spirit good to dwell on these things when things are going just peachy too! So, tonight, as I sit in this fabulous little haven of a coffee shop on state street I think upon the beautiful little and big things I'm grateful to my Father for.

Today's Love List...

:: Coffee and Bagels with two of my dearest friends this morning (and the hilarious sleepover we had last night!).

:: Baking Peanut Butter Brownies (apron and all) for my Soon-to-be-Mr., so that when he comes home tomorrow He'll have some yummy goodness!

:: A refreshing time with the Lord this morning at Butterfly Beach (two minutes away from our new home!)

:: Knowing that, as much as my heart aches for my little ones in Uganda, He sets the lonely in homes, and does bring redemption! He is capable. He is working. And I trust Him.

:: My friends in Uganda right now who have two new (just met their adopted little ones for the first time) members of their precious family, now finally all together! And that God's stirring this need and call up in people's hearts all over the world!

:: That my Honey gets to have some sweet and incredibly valuable time with his Mama this weekend.

:; And that as weak and sick as she is, she was able to come to our engagement party, and share that with us!

:: That I am God's daughter, and He loves when I set aside time to spend with Him.

:: Running into dear friends at coffee shops, and being SO grateful for the amazing community God's surrounded me in, RIGHT HERE.

:: Getting my creative outlet surging with some crafts to make our new home cozy.

:: That our wedding is for God's glory, and He knows the desires of my heart. No matter how things may fall through, or what could seem disappointing, I know that God doesn't disappoint and it's going to be an INCREDIBLE day, marrying the man of my dreams, with everyone we love surrounding us, and a HUGE celebration!

I have so many things to be grateful for tonight. I feel so content, and fulfilled.

Thank you, Jesus. I've loved my time with you today. You're quite wonderful, you know that?!

I just cut some fresh jasmine in the garden, and hunkered down with a nice mug of coffee, spending time with my Jesus. I read this this morning and wanted to share...

"God's mercy never fails.

The Christian who surrenders in trust to this truth finds Jesus Christ in a new way. It marks the beginning of a deeper life of faith where joy and peace flourish even in the darkness, because they are rooted, not in superficial human feelings, but deep down in the dark certainty of faith that Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever."

(from "Reflections for Ragamuffins" by Brennan Manning)

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

Hebrews 11:1

Father, root me deep in your Truth... that despite fleeting feelings, I would rest deep in the truth that Your mercy never fails. Help me live a life today that emanates that.

Hope

What an amazingly refreshing morning. Jesus has been reminding me sweet, sweet things today. As I remember that He speaks to me. Directly. Me and Him. Because He loves me, and I'm His daughter. I take a deep long breathe, as if after a long swim, and I remember.... I remember His sacrifice. I remember His resurrection. I remember His ultimate expression of Love, and how He keeps pouring it over me again and again. I remember how He didn't create us to live comfortably or ordinarily. I remember how He sees everything, even the things throughout the world, and the hearts throughout the world that feel unseen or forgotten. The circumstances that seem abandoned. I remember how when I think something is unfair, He sees it as a fabulous way that He's going to bring beauty to. And when I see something as painful, He sees it as a opportunity to scoop us up in His arms and drench us in His comfort, reminding us of His tenacious love and protective Father's heart. He sees what we see as hopeless as an opportunity for a miracle, and the perfect way to turn hearts towards His. Maybe hearts that have already loved Him, but have forgotten, maybe even a little bit. And he uses these unexpected bumps in the road, to woo us back to His heart.

Sometimes, actually, very often....I have absolutely no idea why God allows certain things to happen. I'm not even going to pretend to know. But I'll tell you what I do know. I know my Jesus loves me. I know He's alive and He's working. I know He hasn't forgotten us, nor left us abandoned. I know He comforts the brokenhearted, and brings hope to the hopeless. I know He has this incredible way of redeeming the most impossible situations. I know He is for us.

As I watch cancer take over my Mother in law's body... and as we heard hard news today that it's spread to her brain.. as I see her, her husband, her children, and all those who love her, clinging to Jesus and trusting Him with everything they have....I remember...'Those who HOPE in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint'. We're drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes. He is capable. And He loves us.

He. loves. us.


listen to this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ICui-tFOFo

Today, I spent Easter in Africa....and it was spectacular.

I woke up to a gorgeous morning and took a boda to church, were we had the most beautiful Easter service. It is amazing to worship with so many different people, all of us with our different stories, different struggles, different joys.....yet, all in awe of, and there to glorify, One beautiful God. I cried as I looked over at one of our street boys sitting next to me, with his eyes closed, tears streaming down his cheeks, singing at the top of his lungs his love to Jesus, head swaying to the right and then the left in adoration. What a gorgeous example of God’s hope. He took a boy...starving, addicted to drugs as his only source of comfort and warmth, left hopeless...and He brought him out of the pit, gave Him life, and now causes Joseph’s heart to beat with love for His Savior. Literally.....his Savior. I am in awe at the work God is doing here, His love so extravagant.

Later in the day, we went out to Ssenge and had such a perfect afternoon at the boys home for street kids. Imagine the most simple, gorgeous place, far away from the hustle and bustle of city chaos, where you’re stripped of things like running water and electricity, but surrounded by all beauty. It’s like a haven. I honestly feel closer to God being out there. And I learn so much about God’s heart from these boys. One of them told me the Easter story today, and when I asked him why he thought Jesus died, he responded in his adorable little accent, “People. He just loves people!” It was like a cup of cold water remembering how simple it really is. He just loves people. We spent the afternoon playing soccer, trampolined, sang and danced, did lots of running, and then lots more dancing, enjoying the beauty of Jesus all around us. After that, I took a motorcycle back through the jungle, caught a taxi stuffed full of people (many on top of each others’ laps), took another motorcycle home where I met up with my friend Polly, and then took yet another motorcycle into town to go grocery shopping....because we were about to make an amazing Easter feast for all of our friends.

We arrived at Garden City, the Western shopping center where all the UN workers, NGO’s, and tourists go (it’s a bit of culture shock after living in Kampala), and as we were walking in, I saw this ragamuffin bunch of kids, with their torn clothes and broken shoes, and wondered to myself what they were doing in this shopping center? Polly and I continued into the store, as we set about finding the perfect ingredients for the perfect Easter feast. As we were walking through the isles the group of kids (two little girls and two little boys, under about the age of 9) walked through our aisle, and they looked at me and smiled, giggled, and asked how I was. When I responded back in their language, their eyes lit up and they started following us through the store.

Now, let me just say that, at this point, I realized that they were beggar kids and had come here to get anything they could from anyone that would give them something. They started following us around, holding onto our arms like we were their mamas, and asked curious questions about the ingredients for our feast like what ‘pasta’ was. They followed us, and kept on following us. It could have been annoying because we were in a hurry to get back, and people tell you “Don’t give them anything because it will just reinforce their begging and add to the problem!”...which, to be honest, is probably true.....but it’s EASTER. The day that we celebrate ultimate love and sacrifice and how that changed our lives. And, to be honest, I think that every kid should get spoiled with some yummy biscuits and Cadbury chocolate on Easter. I didn’t care if people said it added to the problem, I wanted those kids to feel so spoiled. While the kids were walking with us, I couldn’t help but wonder if they just wanted to feel like they belonged to someone. So I asked them if they wanted to be my babies for the day, and they shook their heads yes, and we continued shopping, smiling as we got curious looks from people passing.

It’s so simple. I didn’t do anything extravagant or anything that even required much, but those little ones were grinning ear to ear, feeling loved and feeling that they existed. And I remembered how simple it actually is to make a dent in people’s hearts, as His love melts away indifference and penetrates hopelessness. It’s amazing how much a little Cadbury and some puttzing through grocery store isles can make the forgotten feel loved.

We came home and made our amazing Easter feast, with a few bumps in the road (we ran of our gas in the stove while we were cooking, and then ran out of water when we were cleaning it all up...a daily occurrence). But it was just amazing to eat, be with dear friends, eat some more, and celebrate Love. I was reminded today to not be overwhelmed by the enormous need here, but to stop for the one....being Jesus’ Cadbury chocolate covered hands and feet.

“Give the King your justice...May He judge your people with righteousness and your poor with justice! Let the mountains bear prosperity for the people, and the hills in righteousness! May He defend the cause of the poor of the people, give deliverance to the children of the needy...In His days may the righteous flourish and peace abound till the moon be no more.”

:: Psalm 72