I am......Awakened.

This morning I woke up to a clean house {such a good feeling}, and read an incredible article on Africa. I felt awakened. There's something spectacular that happens when my eyes turn towards the East - and my heart is stirred to the land that has held me captive for years. Visionary ideas. Creative catapults. Idealic summersaults...take over and I remember, if i have ever forgotten, that I am alive. Like truly alive. I exist. I think that everyone longs to feel known. That the earth and all of humanity recognize that they exist. That's exactly how I feel when the chasms of my soul open to Africa. I feel like I have purpose. I admit, the excitement of leaving for Uganda is accompanied by a nervous little companion. Not fear, no...just wonder of the unknown, with all of it's anxious excitement. I am ready, though.

Lord, continue to ready me.

Well, here goes the journey.

It hit me today that I have only two months before I head off to the land of the lion and the zebra, stunning sunsets, and coffee skinned people. This last week, I spoke at my church about what I'll be doing in Uganda, and what Amani is already doing.

All I can say is that God moved the hearts of His people. Big time.

In one morning, God provided $5,000...which is half of the entire cost I will need. Given in ONE morning! I am still in awe, completely overwhelmed by the beauty of God's Bride rising up to see His mercy poured out to the nations. I'm humbled that I get to be a part of it. And am filled with this deep joy as I think about the people of Jinja, and the joy it's going to be to finally meet them. Today, I was praying to see the details of Jesus' heart, and what He's been showing me is the simple importance of loving well. I have been wrecked again and again this week by the simplicity, the mystery, and the power of what Jesus did at the cross. I'm not going to lie, I've just been weeping as it hits me all over again just what He did. For me. For you. For the innocent kids in Jinja. And for the insanely hard person to deal with across the street.

I hope the reality of His love through the cross never stops ruining us.

With this fresh revelation of such love {and how irresistable it is}... love that runs deep in us as His sons and daughters, I think how we cannot, and must not, keep it to ourselves. Those who have been forgiven much, love much. And so, I am learning {emphasis on the still learning} to love well.
What does that even look like, Lord? Will you continue to show us how you love us. And in seeing that, may we mirror that unselfish, unashamed, and completely impartial love.

"We can all see as plain as day that Jesus says the number one commandment is to love the Lord and love your neighbor. I happened to move to Uganda and love those neighbors, but that is not the point. As believers, we should already KNOW our calling; it is to love the Lord and love our neighbors by caring for them in whatever broken state they are in. When He said that "the poor will always be among us" I don't think he meant that as an excuse not to worry about it but as a reminder that there is ALWAYS a neighbor, no matter where we are, in a worse condition than we are. I can only believe that God created us to make this world a little better. That he designed us in love to show that love to others. I just don't know what everyone is waiting for."
~a sister in Uganda who is loving the Forgotten.

So as I get ready to leave for a land of desperate need, I am reminded of the need right here, in this moment. And I am ready to love well.

:: May we never stop realizing the crazy love of Jesus. And may we never stop pouring it out.

Hello dear friends!
I wanted to update you a bit on what God's been stirring in my heart these last few months and the next step I am taking.

Well, let me start from the beginning. When I was five years old, I fell in love with Africa. We had friends from Kenya live with us while on furlough, and I remember my five year old little heart beating fast as I heard stories of the people, their culture, their need, and greater yet, the miracles God was doing as he transformed entire villages with His love and His hope. And I thought to myself....I belong there.
I was in love.
It amazes me how you can be so in love with people that you've never met. But, I guess, that's the beauty of God's unfathomable heart. As I got older, I realized that this drawing to East Africa was actually God's call on my life, as it burned deeper and deeper each year. For years, I've been longing to finally go to the place that has held my heart for so long, but knew that God's timing was everything.

Over the summer... God said the word.

'Now'.

So... here I go! Headed to the beautiful people of Jinja, Uganda. After much prayer, God led me to an incredible organization there called Amani Baby Cottage. What God is doing through these amazing servants blows me away! They are an 'orphanage' that cares for babies from birth to six years old. They take in kids who have been dropped off by family members who cannot raise them, as well as newborn babies who have been left in garbage dumps. This is a group of humble, abandoned lovers of Christ, who have truly taken up the cause of the widow and the orphan, who have let their hearts break and beat with God's... as they then do something about it. They see these gorgeous kids as Uganda's next leaders who will lead their country to love the Lord and love others. I am deeply humbled that I get to work alongside such incredible people, humbled in knowing that God could do it all by himself, yet He lets us be a part of it; that we get to join Him in seeing the broken healed, the lonely loved, the abandoned remembered, and the hopeless restored. I still can't believe that I get to do it in Uganda!

So basically... I will be leaving in January to live over there for three months, working at the orphanage and among the people of Jinja. But, I cannot do it on my own! God humbly reminds me again and again that this isn't about me or my strength. It's about me uniting with His Bride as we see His kingdom furthered! And so I ask you....all amazing friends that have had such an impact in my life, to join me in this next step. I can't do it without you!

::First and foremost, I would love your prayer and intercession. I know this sounds cliché, but honestly, I can't go without it! It's the intercession of God's people and the power of prayer that I need to be able to do what God's calling me to. I am pleading with you to be in prayer with me for this. And to join me in intercession for the people of Jijna, as God is stirring things and doing breakthrough in their country.

::Secondly, I would like to humbly ask you to pray about supporting me financially. This is another area, where I've realized I cannot do it on my own. There's going to be many different opportunities to do this...for example, we will soon be selling beautiful handmade gifts such as jewelry, art, photography, and chocolates just in time for Christmas, which I'm really excited about! I'll keep you updated on this as it gets closer.

::Lastly, I would love to hear any of your stories of trips there, or pearls of wisdom and encouragement before I venture off. Like I said before, it's all of you and your relationships with me that have molded me, and I so value you and would love to hear whatever is on your heart! I love that God is a creative God who has given us diverse gifts and passions, and He uses it all when we come together. So whatever it is that you have to offer, I would love for you to join me in this. I know times are hard, and money is scarce, but there's so much more to do other than financially. Please let me know if there's something on your heart, and you would like to get involved! It's amazing to be on the journey with you guys, as we unite to see God's kingdom furthered and His love drench the ends of the earth! I can't imagine being alongside anyone else.

Deep, deep love,
Maggie


::If the Lord has laid it on your heart to support me financially, you can make check payable to:: The Ranch Church Memo: Maggie Ayers
The Ranch Church
PO Box 679 Solvang, Ca 93464

Thought this was stunning, and wanted to share it with you.

I was looking back on a letter I wrote my dad from Indo, and was refreshed, once again, as all the tastes, smells, feelings, and heart joy came back to me as I remembered.... 

gorgeous brown little Balinese kids

drinking fresh coconut milk

waking up to the sound of waves dancing upon the sand, and having only a little dirt road seperating us from the ocean

out of this world Indonesian food

worshipping with the locals in their language....as we set aside our indifference and God inhabits the praises of His people

going to the Jimbaran fish market everyday and becoming friends with the darling local women 

running children's programs for the kiddos of the village

worshipping and interceding on the beach in the middle of the night, and running on the beach early in the morning while tons of little naked Balinese kids run with me. (must have been a sight to see....a tall, white "Bulay" girl surrounded by all those naked bottoms!)

 

We went to the slums on wednesday and taught the children there. And I was sitting there with l these gorgeous kids on my lap, hanging on to my arms, as I sang to them, and taught them the alphabet....and Dad, this amazing contentment swept over me...as I thought, 'This is really it!  this is what I want to do with my life.' It was so incredible to actually DO what has been burning in me for so many years. To be immersed and living with the broken. And as hard as it's been sometimes, I want to do this for the rest of my life more than anything I've ever wanted. Ah, God is so good. 

And within the same week, my mom had written this in her prayer journal for me...

endearing child of mine

in hula skirt hair

blond curls everywhere

leggings under skirts

sticky bubble gum lips

worshipping You

alone in her room

tears filling her eyes

holy complexity

crayons at her feet

perfectly complete

 

I knew then

that startling moment

You'd be sending her

across the seas

dancing into danger

overcoming adversity

crowned in simplicity

this endearing child of mine...in hula skirt hair.

I am overwhelmed by the incredible parents that I have.... in them, I have two of my best friends who have given me consistent love and who have constantly believed in me. 

 

It has been said that before Michelangelo created his masterpiece "David", Davinci had been given a slab of what he considered "unusable" marble. Michelangelo then used that same piece of rock and created one of the most well know pieces of art in history. When asked how he formed such a masterpiece out of such an ugly piece of rock, he said "It was simple, I just cut away everything that didn't look like David". 

I think in the same way that's what God is doing with us. Cutting away everything that doesn't look like Christ in our lives. I am far fetched from being finished...but hope, that when He is finished, there will be nothing of me left. Just Jesus, in all of His goodness. 

the unusual:.

"Before familiarity can trust into awareness, the familiar must be stripped of it's inconspicuousness; we must give up assuming that the object in question needs no explanation. However frequently recurrent, modest, vulgar it may be, it will now be something unusual." ~Bertold Brecht

I am hoping for the unfamiliar. craving what's unacquainted. wash over me your newness. cannonballing into newfangled seasons...experiences...endevors. i miss you my dear friend. the unknown has me wrapped around it's finger. can i see through it's eyes? have it's boldness? i feel at the crux of rattling decisions. what will it be? so. what will it be. all that matters is that I be. i am confident that beauty will come through it either way. "be":: to exist or live. "exist":: to remain or to be found. the latter has me curious. 

:::Immersion

A bit of my time with Jesus today...

I was reading about the Jordan River. The thing about the Jordan is that it became a dividing line. It was considered the River of the 'Jews", but to everyone else it was the river of offense. {For instance Naaman, didn't want to be washed in it, because of this}. But what do I want more...God's anointing or man's respectability? This is the same place where Jesus was baptized. Luke 3:21 talks about this. What I love about God is that in Jesus' place of weakness, the love of the Father met Him there. The same love that met Hannah in the temple. In her weakness and vulnerability, she cried out to God for a son. And the Holy Spirit met her in a place of weakness {through Eli the priest} and told her she would have a son.
And, with Jesus... it says in verse 22 of Luke 3 that "the Holy Spirit ascended upon Him like a dove...". First came the love of the Father "this is my Son in whom I am well pleased'....then came the 'upon' anointing. We have been baptized in that too! We stand drenched in the Father's love, and then anointed with His Spirit {our Great Helper}. It was only in that rooting of the Father's love that Jesus was then able to go out and be intensely tempted by Satan...and then come out of the wilderness with the Power of the Holy Spirit.

The anointing comes out of a place of intimacy.
Intimacy comes out of the Love of the Father.
And out of the Love of the Father comes the Kingdom of God.

In His presence we are refreshed. I feel it right now. A friend said this to me. In connecting with God we get the Rhythm of Life...and that is this {Seeking-Soaking-Going} :: Seeking: through His Word and His Heart. Soaking: In His love and presence. Getting filled to overflowing. & Going:Out of that overflow we can go out.
God's power on our life is meant to increase through difficulty. Just like Hannah's pain led to her to cry out to God. And Jesus' time in the wilderness, led Him to lean n God's truth. It deepened His experience with the Father, He got filled up, and came out of it in the power of the Holy Spirit.
I want to go to the unexpected {Jordan River} places, and be immersed...drenched in the goodness. To have the Love of the Father clothe me, and the "upon" anointing follow. I need this everyday. It is our lifeline. Through it comes the Rhythm of life. God's power does turn the drowning place into walking places. And we come out with the power of God. I love that He meets me in my vulnerability, and does His miracles. The Kingdom of God does not consist of words. So I wait to see, to experience, to be a part of it's goodness. Are we ready to go all in? Because eventually Naaman did. In 2 Kings it says, "Naaman went down to the Jordan River and dipped himself seven times, as the man of God had instructed him. And his flesh became as healthy as a young child's and he was healed."
I am ready to go all in. God show me what that even looks like. I love how it says that Naaman and his entire party went back to find the man of God {Elisha}, and Naaman professed that the God of Isreal was real. Refresh us, Oh God. Dip us and cleanse us, that in coming up we are set free and anointed, ready to further the Kingdom that Jesus launched into action.

A sweet sister in Uganda wrote this...
"What the Bible does not mention, but what must be true is that years later, Lazarus still died. The people Jesus healed were inevitably sick again at some point in their lives. The people Jesus fed miraculously were hungry again a few days later. More important than the very obvious Might and Power shown by Jesus's miracles is His LOVE. He loved these people enough to genuinely care, to do everything in His power to make it better. He entered into their suffering and loved the right there. We aren't really called to save to the world, not even to save one person; Jesus has already done that. We are just called to love with abandon. With EVERYTHING we have. We are called to enter in to our neighbor's suffering and love them right there. Maybe I did NOTHING but allow Happy to struggle a few days longer. But I did love her, and she now has a spot in my heart that is forever changed.Today I am rejoicing in my sweet few days with Happy. I am rejoicing that one day I will see her again and I will be able to tell her how she changed my heart and taught me about Love."

I am in awe of the the Love of Jesus. Such deep, deep love that penetrates cultures and society, doctors and beggers. I am speechless right now, just trying to get my mind around His love. And that such Love lives in us. I feel so unworthy, so incapable. But, His love endures forever...making up for my weaknesses. And sweeping into all who want it. Lord, show me how to love like you.

::an art...and a fortunate accident::

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."


/::St. Augustine

Baba Yetu

Good evening! I have a bunch of thoughts whirling about my head right now. Thoughts of Africa, thoughts of Judaism, thoughts of a new house with a jasmine bush, thoughts of singing kids, thoughts of a childhood friend's engagement.

I feel an expectancy again. Something on the rise. Hope. Hope on the rise. My heart is beating fast for East Africa. Uganda, to be specific. I have been connecting with orphanages there, and my heart so longs to see the kids that I have fallen in love with from across the world since I was five. I'll keep you updated on that as things unfold.

Judaism. I am reading the fabulous memoir of Lauren Winner; a brilliant, free thinking Orthodox Jew and her journey in falling in love with Jesus. I think it's absolutely gorgeous how God is in all of the details. Looking into Jewish traditions like the feasts, for instance, they so mirror the coming of Jesus. God knew. He knew, and He cared. I want to celebrate Jewish holidays when I have a family. My friend and I were talking years ago about how we love that about God...how He's so in the details; and that's how He woos our hearts. She had a vision of Jesus taking her on a picnic, simply wanting to be in her presence and her in his. They sat under a tree, and Jesus pulled out of the picnic basket her absolute favorite drinks. I know it sounds silly and petty....but it's stuff like that that make me captivated by my God. He knows what we love, and He loves to bless us.Something as a simple as favorite drinks to openings to travel the nations. This is true too, as scripture is revealed and the glory of Jesus made manifest through the Word. He knows just how to show us His marvelous plans of salvation and His drenching grace. You can't escape the intense love of the Father. And I don't know how you can deny the Truth of the Word. Both are perfect.

A new house with a jasmine bush. Let's just say, I have found my haven. Me and two friends spent a whole saturday house hunting. Throughout it,we were asking the Holy Spirit to guide us to the right place He has for us. After many other finds, we pulled up to this 1950's cottage, with a lush orange tree in the front garden, jasmine crawling up the brick porch, and a retro lemon kitchen to die for. Having heaps of people over is our dream. It was hard to keep from screaming as we walked through this lovely abode. I will keep you updated on this, as well.

Singing kids and a childhood friend's engagement could be taking me back to Indo this summer. Maybe yes, maybe no. Either way, I know God's plan is wonderful. I have ben learning to just go with the flow. It's the best way to do life. Because even when you don't know what the next step is...you enjoy everything along the way.

peace over you, friends.

{tenacious beauty}

About four months ago, the Lord laid on my friend Allie and my hearts to host a girl's retreat. So here I am, the night before...excited, ready for it to happen already, overwhelmed, fulfilled, and hopeful. I really feel like God's going to do some major things in these girls hearts. And I pray that right now. I don't know how God has done it, but what started off as a simple idea, has turned into 80 girls and women attending and helping. God is ridiculous!

I'm finishing the last bits of my teaching, here in the wee small hours of the morning...and wanted to share a bit of what God's been putting on my heart for these girls, and for myself.

As I was thinking about some of the things on teenage girl's minds and what I think society speaks to them about so often is this idea of 'change'. Things like "Be the change". They hear it constantly, and they long for it. As superficial as things around them may feel, they truly long to be a part of something greater than themselves. And this is how God has created us. Whether we realize that it's God or not. God has created us as women with passion and purpose. We long to be a part of something bigger because it's in our make-up. We were not called to the mediocre. We are called to something beautiful. Called to something great. God has formed the heart of a women with three things...beauty, passion, and purpose.

So here we are, ready to let the passion of our heart and purpose of our beauty (that which bears the image of Christ) to be let loose...but for that to happen, there has to be wholeness. What is wholeness? Wholeness is letting Jesus touch every part of you...not holding back. Allowing Him to have everything. Allowing Him in all of the questions of our hearts, our longings, our hurts, our dreams & hopes. Through wholeness in Christ there is a quiet confidence, a freedom to be unique when we are surrounded with a tidal wave of pressures and standards. Freedom to be true. That in our abiding in His love, comes our wholeness.

The constant question of a woman's heart, even from the time we we're little is "Am I lovely? Am I enough?" Most women doubt very much that they have any genuine beauty to unveil. It is our deepest doubt. Beauty is essential to God. Beauty is the essence of God. Stasi Eldredge writes, "Woman is the crown of creation- the most intricate, dazzling creature on earth. She has a crucial role to play, and a destiny of her own. And she too, bears the image of God."

I think about my childhood hero, Amy Charmichael, a revolutionary missionary to India in the late 1800's. She truly lived out of an overflow of wholeness in Christ. Because of this, she was free. She knew that God had clothed her in beauty, driven her with passion, and created her with purpose. It was because of her confidence in the Love of Jesus, and how He had created her, that she went into the world and God used her to change it! How can you tell someone about the love of Christ, if you aren't even confident in it yourself? But when we are clothed in His love, our beauty is released.

The glorious things to which He has called us to are set into action. Dripping with excitement and passion. As we as women walk in this, our hearts bearing the image of God Himself, we live in freedom and become a part of something bigger than ourselves.

Beauty is powerful. It is tenacious. It matters. And you possess it! So what is your passion and what is your purpose, beautiful one?

{underground railroad}

Sometimes my mom will write me letters and give them to me as I'm out the door as encouragement for the day. Today's said...

'Maggie,
There are over 300,000 kids ages 12 -14 years in the sex trade in America. That's about 500 girls in every major city in the US....in this 'land of the free and home of the brave'.

Who will be brave enough to free them...who will go undercover in truck stops and grap them sweetly away from such horrors? Are we willing to pay the price for their escape? Get up and pour it out....it's time for another underground railroad!

Love,
Mom'

I have the most amazing mom, ever.

what is radical?

"We must lay before Him what is in us, not what ought to be in us."
~ C.S. Lewis

I have been thinking about alot of things and, struggling with some. Feeling so frustrated by the "American Dream" and that I am amongst it. Feeling trapped and wanting to go overseas. Fearful that I haven't done anything in the last year to further the Kingdom. And scared to death that I am living in the ordinary. Wanting so badly to live radically again. And yet... so unsure what that looks like.

I spent all of yesterday on a retreat with some friends on this big beautiful ranch in the middle of nowhere, but surrounded by all beauty. I went off on a walk with the Lord, lay in a field and asked Him what it looks like to live radically. Not just for the sake of being zealous, but for His name's sake. And here's what He told me...

'To live radically for me doesn't have to be selling everything and going to the ends of the earth. There's a time for that. But I am calling you to live radically right here in the place I have called you to in this season. And it looks different. Living radically for me looks like this....that when everything is offered to you and distraction served on a silver platter, you still say 'All I need is you, Lord'. That in the midst of choices, you choose to love me, you choose to love others, and you choose to minister. No matter how 'comfortable' things feel, that you get up off your feet and pour out. That everyday you're asking for my heartbeat and including me in all the details of that day. Because I have so many adventures for you. Living radically for me isn't based on location or lack of worldly possesions...it's when you've been offered all comfort, and yet you still choose to obey me and love on others no matter how uncomfortable. And sometimes that's the hardest thing to do. Even harder than going overseas. That you choose to step out of yourself and your selfish perspective, and be my hands and feet to an affluent, rich, heartbroken nation. I have called you to something greater than you could have hoped.'

I'm ready.

~ kiddos ~

I realized three things tonight...

1. I have a deep love for fresh oranges.
2. I can't play long, drawn out board games....I love fast, lively ones.
3. And lastly, the one that's been on my mind alot lately, is how much I want to adopt some babies...right now. I don't even care about not being married, anymore. I just feel this urgency. I know it's not 'traditional' ...but since when did I care about tradition?